fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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