Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
