All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
