I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
