I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
