Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
