a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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