Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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