Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
