Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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