Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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