I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
