conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
