God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
