Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
