why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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