my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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