Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
