I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
