Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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