first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
