Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
