I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
