honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
