btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
