he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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