I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
COCAINE IS GR8
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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