once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
