he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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