On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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