I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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