I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
