Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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