everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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