If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
