dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
