My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
