ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God, I missed his penis.
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