I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
