yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
