I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
