i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
