Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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