we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
