The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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