i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
