Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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