I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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