I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
