They should really pass out barf bags in church
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
