TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
