My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
