Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
