Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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