Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
